Soul-mate...

I am a practical person, for all those who know me pretty well all these years. My practical, straightforward, argumentative and scientific bent of mind has been with me ever since I have begun building my own set of ideas, notions and principles.
I never live in fantasies, yet wonder if fantasies were not actually fantasies. Fairy-tales are my favorite pastime to enjoy and forget and yet I question myself what if such worlds actually did exist ( just like in the movie Horton). Similarly I am not a particularly romantic person, yet there still are questions unanswered. What is love? Who is a soul mate? Why it is one seeks for only one soul mate for life? Why is it, still others manage to fall in love multiple times in their lives? Such questions don’t disturb me, but I have never found any convincing answers to the same. However, I came across a certain book, and wish to state a particular theory that struck a cord in my heart. Thus would go into a bit deeper discussion on the same.
As this book stated “we form a part of what the alchemists called the Anima mundi - The Soul of the World”. This seemed to answer a lot of unanswered questions. If we believe in rebirth and reincarnation, how come the world having started with only a few souls, reached this vast, uncountable number?
The theory explains, "Every soul in its rebirth divides into two parts, the male and the female, each entering into a new body ignorant of the other. The essence that drives one part of the soul to seek for the other during one’s life span and find the one out among uncountable new and unknown faces only to recognize oneself in the other is Love."
So, as it goes, when one sets out in search of love, one seeks the soul mate. The other self, which one alone can recognize, associate with and alone can converse in unspoken words as when one speaks to one’s own mind and soul.
So, to give a yet lame definition of the phenomenon (great thinkers have tried describing all their lives), Love is an essence, the force that brings souls together who learn to freeze time to enjoy every bit of the indescribable happiness. And a soul mate in none other than the other one which completes one-self, one’s alter-ego.

There are people who have experienced love for a mtter of moments, but those moments brought wih them, happiness so intense that it was enough to justify the rest of their days.
So no matter how expensive it has been, how many hearts lay broken, how may souls sleep depressed, love touches all. One who ignores it tends to drown oneself in bitter loneliness. The feeling it arouses, the mistakes one makes and the sacrifices one deals with, everything forms a part of it, everything that completes the same.
So,
Love lies not in staring at each other in the sparkle of the eyes, but looking together in the same direction, not in speaking to each other at a day’s length, but being able to converse without having to speak, not in demanding things to be done in one’s own fashion but respecting the differences that exist.
Thus, Love is nothing but all about knowing oneself. Because love conquers all. :)

I miss it all !

It’s a strange feeling for a person like me. I miss hostel!
Imagine…. I miss hostel.. !
The very girl, who had been running away from the hostel and always blamed for rushing back home 30kms away at a drop of a hat has now, started missing hostel.
Days have passed and I am now at home completely relaxed and at ease.
Days in the hostel were never the same. Though I was a rather a rare visitor there at times like examinations and stuff, I remember the days of mirth and laughter unleashed during the span of four years.
There was room of every kind that one encountered in the hostel.
Some were dedicated to the pure khatti culture. If you came across such rooms without the impulse of sitting there at least an hour to involve yourself in the updated jokes and laughter that can simply keep you rolling on the floor, you certainly stayed in the hostel to build a career. No matter it was post internals or pre-semesters, the noise in these rooms always remained above normal decibel levels.
Some specialized in the gossip culture. Spare some time and you come up with the latest gossip updates. Who’s with whom, which senior (boy off course) was mostly seen around the hostel campus, which junior never cared to adhere to strict norms, who spoke constantly and regularly over the phone after sociable hours for hours again and never admitted seeing somebody, who betrayed the general body and passed on crucial inside information to the hostel warden, everything was discussed in the minutest detail.
Still other rooms were termed the NERD room. If you happenned to drop in by such rooms, you could hear people talking in hushed tones lest the other one be disturbed ( as a matter of fact even if the others did not pour over books, they had a culture of speaking in a way inside their rooms such that one had to strain her ears really hard).
As a matter of fact, there were neutral rooms too. Always empty. Devoid of activities. The inmates belonged to diverse cultures and drifted to their individual room of interest and concern.
Everything in hostel was in fact fun. Be it lining before the nearest municipal tap to collect bucketfuls of water, when the motor as usual frequently was out of order, or keeping your buckets ready to take the next bath.
The food was distasteful to all, no matter how it was actually. The custom followed so as to term it miserable, repulsive and at large inedible. The maggi culture was always in its height (the custom of going about room to room enquiring if there was a packet of noodles available when one wished to have a better dinner)
Days (oops night!) before the semesters were always in focus. One was awake, asleep, standing or walking, the brain and the book/notes always stuck together. It is actually amazing how one was able to cover the course in one night which the lecturers took whole six months to cover! Coffee mugs and water heaters were always at work. The taste buds accepted whatever it received without much efforts. Topics were discussed in groups larger than ones even in international conferences. Poor soul..One who had cared to do it before time!
Work was shared. Be it sweeping the floor, fetching the snacks or getting notes Xeroxed, there always seemed to be constant bickering over such petty activities.
One thing good about the ladies hostel was one never fell short of accessories to go with one’s latest trendy wear. All one had to do was take a complete round and not only get the best fitting ear studs and danglers but also a complete change of combinations until the style was universally and unanimously admired.
I really miss it all. Miss the real fun that I had missed out mostly, miss the mirthful days of real fun and enjoyment, and miss the constant company of friends that it offered.

Me !

Some say I am insane,
Some say I am a crazy being.

Some say I am a child’s soul,
Others say I play a perfect woman’s role

Some say I am reckless like the wind,
Still few praise my responsible mind.

Many say I talk too much,
Still few know why I am such !

Some say I cheerfully chatter.
Some think I uselessly blabber

Some say I am just another face in the crowd,
Still some say, I make them proud.

I say, I am so many in one
I am both, shades of grey and colors of fun

I am the wind, that u may never catch
Still I am the sky u can always watch

I can utter razor edged words to hurt a few
And yet be the comforting balm to sooth you

I can be the open book for all to read,
Or be as secretive as the kernel’s seed.

For you, Im what you see me like
Perception is all that matters right

However if you ask me ‘about me’
I can only say
“ LOVE me or HATE me
But u simply cannot IGNORE me” !

The recession hit !

With the great recession creeping in, without any pre-warning( or may be we were overoptimistic to overlook the indications), i feel my blogs will have to touch the same topic.
Being an engineering graduate myself, n not completely oblivious of news like global slowdown and subsequent cost cutting and lay-off, i too have stopped dreaming about an approaching life of luxury n quick bucks and started living in constrained thoughts.
Right now i m just done with my B.Tech and like thousands others, i too am placed and awaiting a concrete joining date, though the firm which has recruited me takes care to send me periodic mails to assure that though a bit late, it would stand by its words n would employ us.
Thoughts in my mind right now:
what if conditions are worse than this?
what if the company is indeed loyal to us but has to save it own skin before anything else?
what if the company doesnt take us?
what if it does.. n after a few days.. follows the well known lay-off on the pretext that we weren't good enough?

I do panic.. much alike others.
But deep down, i have a thought.
what crippled me so far.. that me who was looking forward to a really lavish lifestyle ahead, now hardly dares to dream.
Me, who some days back.. seemed so confident and self sufficient now even has to think of remaining safely in a job.. yuuk .. i hate mahself for the same!!!
Is it like companies who made really great offers for graduates have actually made them more complacent about life?
Is it like.. with all the success stories around ( much to the credit of business boom and less to the credit of merit) i had indeed taken my life for granted?
Wasnt it necessary for me to intro-spect?
Wasnt it necessary to think.. what if such a situation arose( even virtually)?
Wasnt it necessary for me to plan my life?

am i going to move on with the herd..??
Doing what others did, succeeding when everyone does n panicking when others do?
Arnt i really going to move out of this n THINK N ACT !!
the answer still haunts me !!

Another fine 'class'

The hour drags by,
reluctant to proceed.
The loud murmur of the teacher
falling on my deaf ears.
My copy lies opened,
a word or two scribbled with lot of efforts
They look at me,mock at me
sometimes even scorn me!
This is the last year of the legendary engineering studies
I still struggle to exhaust one single notebook
bought enthusiastically at the start of the second year!
My thoughts have possessed me,
I'm in my own world
A continuous reel of plans,schedules and pending work!
I look at my sides,
drowsy eyes,yawning faces and impatient souls
all packed in this dungeon of classroom.
They do lessen my guilt..
The desks lay dumb
all scrawly and scribbly with names and love proclamations
of the notorious spirits.
The front row looks deserted
a pupil or two,who have vouched to be declared sincere
The enlightened ones occupy the safe last benches
utilising the time resources for fruitful jobs
of crosswords,newspapers,bingo and sudoku.
A few graceful souls have buried themselves
into the screens of their mobile phones.
either sending sweet messages
or rereading old and loved ones.
There is still a group of better people
who have learnt to make up for their lost sleep
because of the previous night out
quietly burying their faces into folded hands.
Still not left too far behind,
a single spirit connects the whole classroom
the spirit of missed calls!
buzzing with a low vibration
sometimes at the back and yet next in the front
to carry on the chain reaction
I look around,fifty five minutes gone.
all buck up now
some students having enthused themselves
to shout "too much for a day sir already..next class sir..blah blah"
the teacher gives a look at his watch
and as the busy souls make their way out
he does not forget his template statement
"any doubts please come to my room"
DOUBTS.!
Another class passes,
and we console ourselves
just a few more to go.

Year 2008, a learning experience

The year 2008 has been a bag of mixed emotions.A girl right into her early years of the state of mind called 'womanhood', it felt as if every major and minor event taking place in and around me seemed to wrap me around with a new and fresh outlook towards life.
Earlier this year, days seemed more casual, calm and running in its own course. Each day was a new learning experience. Older ties remained intact and fresh ones added the much needed spice in life. Things here and there were simple add-ons to my daily cup of coffee. There was nothing like the joy of learning, absorbing fresh ideas, modifying and redefining older views and feeling the greatness and freshness of maturing at every level. The major achievement was penetrating deeper into human brains, understanding different individual thinking processes, the like and kind, and seriously nothing feels better than the feeling that 'you understand better'.
Then came an era of blasts, literal and serious ones, here and there. Someday in Jaipur, Hyderabad, the other day Bangalore, a series in Ahmedabad and Surat and still a couple more in connaught place etc in Delhi.
Life seemed insecure, at serious threat. Everyday saw more and more people terrorised, panic stricken and traumatised.
What followed next was a global gloom.Wall street crash! Lehman Brothers bankrupt! just to spread the message 'nothing can be taken for granted'. Stock prices came down, rather rushed down. People committed suicides in utter despair. The once unstoppable growth took a U turn in global front. Markets for jobs came down,only to demoralise and disappoint fresh graduates. Words like 'bears', 'cost cutting', and 'bankruptcy' were ones even infants were aware of.
Running almost parallel was an era of religious outbreak, blasphemy and still more groups of religious extremists. The country looked more divided. The essence of unity and being 'secular'( a word described by the dictionary as not connected/related to any religion)seemed to have lost its colour. Life seemed actually at threat. Religion was not meant to pacify oneself but remained to be another error of the divisive society.
Excitement and curiosity also came to play as one witnessed the neck to neck competition between the Democrats and
Republicans in US. The world finally stood up to celebrate the first African-American president with the 'Obama factor' having played it part.
The people had not even recovered from the wake of terrorism in different old and new forms,that a fresh round of terrorist attacks in Mumbai took its hold. Never before had people experienced such an open threat to life from foreign agents. It ended finally but with effects such as the number of post-traumatic disorder cases rising sharply throughout the city.
This year now comes to a close, an experience of learning, caution, and trauma all blended into one. Yet, I still look forward to a fresh year, for fresh ideas with a 'hope' that has kept me going till date.

                                                             A strange yet natural feeling.

This night is so calm,so unusually calm,

I can hear every second of the clock ticking by,

 the low buzz of the long abandoned polythene

playing all by itself in the gentle breeze.

I can feel the rustle of the air blowing through my hair,

the silence of the night which makes it still more serene.

I can sense the gentleness of the leaves shining in the silvery moon,

and the coziness of the soft nest in which the sparrows share their room.

The feathery clouds fly by in pace 

and the moon looks down upon me with its gaze.

I can feel my soul in unison with all of them

speaking with each of them without any verbal word.

It indeed is true,the universe conspires,extends its soft innocuous words

you just need to lend an ear,feel the life in every bit of creation

and there you are completely bonded to the nature able to connect yourself with it

and feel yourself a human 'naturally'.